Light After Loss: Tanya's Story
Tell us about your loss journey
Our second daughter, Ryleigh Sienna was born still on April 11, 2021 at 40 weeks and 4 days. As me and my husband arrived to the hospital that morning, we thought we were headed in to deliver our baby girl. It was still the height of the pandemic and I had to head up to L & D first to get checked in. I didn’t think anything of it, as this wasn’t my first time. As I got settled in and they hooked the NST up to my belly, the nurse was having a hard time locating Ryleigh. As they wheeled in an Ultrasound machine, my heart sank as I watched the monitor. In that moment I heard the most gut wrenching words, “I’m so sorry, there is no heartbeat.” In a matter of seconds our world came crashing in and was forever changed.
What helped you the most following your loss?
Losing Ryleigh has been the hardest thing I have had to live through. I miss her every single day. Following her loss, I felt numb and lost. I found comfort in connecting with other moms who unfortunately knew the pain of losing a child as well. I surrounded myself with families who understood, joined support groups, found a therapist and shared Ryleigh’s story. I also found different organizations that focused on pregnancy and infant loss. Having the support of the loss community really helped me that first year and still continues to be a big part of my grief journey.
How did you come up with the concept behind Ryleigh’s Resources?
Ryleigh’s Resources was an idea my husband Ken and I came up with on a much needed family trip to Costa Rica with our oldest daughter Kinsley. It was about 5 months after we lost Ryleigh. We wanted to honor Ryleigh, but also help other families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss. As we discussed what we thought was helpful and not helpful to us the previous months, we both agreed that it was hard to find specific resources. When we came home from the hospital without Ryleigh, we were trying to navigate this new life, take care of a toddler as well as trying to find the help and support we both needed. We decided we never wanted another family or person to feel like they couldn’t find the support they needed, so we created a “one stop shop” with resources for pregnancy and infant loss. The other component is providing comfort boxes to hospitals and to individuals across the country. We wanted to ensure families had resources and keepsakes to remember their baby(ies).
What advice would you give another mom going through a loss now?
I remember being told by a few loss moms those first few weeks out that “It doesn’t easier per se, it just becomes different over the years.” In that moment I couldn’t and didn’t believe that that would happen. I thought I’d never be happy and I’d never feel joy again. It’ll be almost 4 years since we had to say hello and goodbye to Ryleigh and what I can say is to give yourself grace. Take day by day, moment by moment, even hour by hour. Do what’s best for you and your family.