Light After Loss: Jessica's story
Tell us about your loss journey.
Our second daughter, Francesca Diana, was stillborn on June 17th, 2021, just a few weeks before my due date and after a very uneventful pregnancy. I was absolutely shocked to learn at my sonogram that she had died. I was induced the next day and delivered her that evening. To this day we do not know why we lost Francesca. We miss her every single day.
What helped you most following your loss?
The pain of losing our daughter was overwhelming–and at times it still is. For the longest time I couldn’t even listen to music; it just grated on my ears. I still struggle to know what the right balance is for me. I benefited greatly from talking with friends who had also experienced child loss, therapy, time in nature, and pouring myself into our older daughter. Three years later, I notice that when I busy myself too much and my balance is off, I feel stronger waves of grief. Maybe Francesca is trying to tell me to slow down, and to really focus on the things I know are most important to me. Our kids teach us so much, and Francesca certainly has.
Are there any mementos you have to remember your baby or rituals for anniversaries, etc you would like to share?
I am very grateful to say that we have mementos and traditions that help us feel close to Francesca. We brought with us to the hospital some blue hydrangeas from our garden, and now blue hydrangeas have come to symbolize our beautiful, delicate girl. We spend her anniversary each year at the same small New England beach where we got engaged and have spent other important family moments, including spreading Francesca’s ashes there three years ago. Every year on June 17th, we spend a family day at that beach taking in beautiful views and swimming. For one day each year, it feels like we are all together.
What one thing would you say to another Mom going through a loss now?
The best advice I got after Francesca died was to take it one half of a day at a time. Trying to get through an entire day of agony and trauma felt insurmountable, but somehow just focusing on making it to lunch, and then making it to bed helped me go through the motions of grief even when I felt like I couldn’t.